Are you practicing true respect?

Ideally, respect should be acceptance without evaluation.

Something is here, present

and we just acknowledge its existence as it is (be it a feeling, a thought, a thing or a living being). 

That's why we use it in a phrase „with respect to“ - something / someone is present and we see it, its presence is recognized.

 

So why would you have problem with (self)-respect?

 

First of all: How would you know if you had problem with (self)-respect?

Let's just name a few symptoms: you are not happy/satisfied with your life, it seems like you are walking in someone else's shoes, you are surrounded with people who don't really understand you, you have difficulties creating intimate relationship with another person, you often feel like you don't belong, or you are less worthy, you feel like someone always takes advantage of you..

 

Basically, it's the issue of unhealthy/poor/broken boundaries between you as a child and your parents or caregivers.

When you were born you had no doubt in mind that you are deserving of food, clean diapers, human connection or whatever else you needed for your proper development. You just screamed, more or less, and your needs were met.

But as you started to walk and talk, you started to bump into rules, restrictions, orders.. because, as those around you were saying „you are a grown up now!“.. but what it really meant was „welcome to my perspective of the world!

 

There are not so many parents/caregivers on this planet who are conscious enough to separate their own fears, doubts, interests, needs.. from those of the child, and there are even less of them who are present enough with their emotions and who know how to teach their children how to get in touch with what they feel and how to express what they feel.

 

It's really natural that you can't expect from anyone, however „grown up“ they are, to give you something that they don't have for themselves.

So, for example, your mom was kissing you a lot, really a lot! - because she needed more physical contact with another person, while your dad taught you that you must always show respect to elderly people - because he was afraid of being old and lonely.. and you end up having no intimate boundary (thinking that you have to let others kiss you and touch you if they like) and having no personal boundary (thinking that you must respect anyone who is older then you, even if they don't respect you!). Or your parent broke your emotional-safety boundary by telling you something like „Boys don't cry!“ or „Stop crying, or I won't cuddle you!“.. and you decided to break connection with your emotions for keeping connection with your parent.

 

That's how your effort to adapt to the needs and wants of your environment can bring you to not having respect for yourself.

And, as we said before, you can't give to others what you don't have for yourself.

What you've been showing to others was just a facade of learned behavior, not a genuine feeling of respect (meaning acceptance, appreciation, recognition).

 

So where do you start with practicing true respect?

Are you practicing true Respect? - SCM New Recovery Approach 

With yourself, of course.

--> With your feelings first of all.

You don't have to show them around (especially not to those who used to take advantage of you before). Just stay with your feelings, respect them, learn them, listen to what they want to tell you, understand them.

--> With your thoughts then.

Observe them, respect them, write them down. They don't have to be beautiful for you to respect them. They are in your head, respect them all. With time, you'll get to see which of them you'd like to keep and which are the ones you've adopted with the „learned respect“ that you don't really feel.

--> You'll follow with your actions then.

Just moving around and talking to people with that newly gained self-respect, will attract into your life more of the people who genuinely respect you and remove from your life like magic-wand those who don't really respect you.

 

 

 

And keep in mind to always respect the right of every person to respect who and what they respect. :-)  

 


 

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SCM New Recovery Approach

based on psychodynamic approach, latest neurology, different energy healing modalities and Sneza's empathic and intuitive abilities,  offers simple and effective solutions to some of the most challenging life situations.

 

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