Why do you make poor choices

and how to change that

 

If you've found yourself in a situation (health, relationship, job..) that you don't want for yourself,

if you say something or act in a way that you don't really mean to,

if you feel like you are moving away from your true wants,

if you repeatedly hurt yourself and those that care for you the most  – you should read this.

 

It all comes down to two basic reasons:

1. you haven't decided what you want

(Yes, you need to DECIDE that you want it! You need to give your brain very clear signal what to focus on.)

2. there is an idea, some kind of belief in your subconscious mind that is not true for you and that needs to be changed

When you are in a stressful situation (and for you that might be every time when you feel a strong emotion, even a pleasant one), almost 80% of your blood goes back to amygdala (a gland for stress-response) to prepare your body for adequate reaction, so you don't have enough blood (and oxygen) in the frontal part of your brain where thinking occurs, so your response is automatic, based on the data that you have in your subconscious library.

You don't ACT, you just REACT.

That's why you make „wrong“ decisions (they are never completely „wrong“ because there is always something good in there), you make poor choices, and to make things worse, once it's done, you have no feeling of „wrong-doing“, you have no true connection with your own choice.

It feels like someone else has made it for you.

Because, in reality, the true-you would have chosen differently.

How is that possible?

à  you've experienced some trauma in your past

and don't think of „trauma“ necessarily as some „big event“ .. what makes it "BIG" for you personally is how far you had to move from yourself to adapt to that traumatic experience

à you've distanced from your core-self

meaning you've shut down or disconnected yourself from some part of your true self in order to adapt better

à for making a choice you need to reconnect to that part of yourself

and our experience shows that it's usually some part of you that shows your real strength

à reconnecting to that part is re-evoking the trauma

and asking of you to heal it

à you don't know how to do it and/or you are afraid of „feeling-flood“

so you go back to the old way of adapting and you continue making poor choices

Let's give two examples here:

She felt misused by her mother à that truth was too hard to bear and it was also a threat for her survival, so she adapted by distancing herself from her gut-brain (from her instincts who to trust) à because of that distancing from her gut-brain she has made many poor choices in her life of trusting people unworthy of her trust à if she looks back at her trauma she sees a (false) belief, something like „no, this person is not misusing me, they are trustworthy!“ à she feels the strong feelings of the traumatic experience à and scared by the consequences of disposing that lie, she covers up that pot with the same lid and she continues attracting dishonest people

He felt disrespected by his father à that made him look for all the ways to win his respect, including disconnecting from his heart-wisdom (because that's one strength that his father doesn't have so well developed, so he shouldn't have it either) à he keeps attracting in his life disrespectful people and hurtful situations à if he looks back at his trauma he sees a (false) belief, something like „respect them! don't  listen to your heart'!“ à he can't let the feelings of traumatic experience go through him and out of him, because he is undermining his heart's power à he is creating new thoughts to support that lie, he covers up that pot with the same lid and he continues attracting disrespectful people and creating situations without any real heart-felt feelings

why do you make poor choices and how to change that

 

So what to do?

1. Decide what you want and decide that you want it. Be clear and specific.

For example:

 She: „I want to reconnect with my gut feeling and to know who to trust. I want trustworthy people in my life.“

 He: „I want to reconnect with my heart and respect my real feelings. I want respectful people in my life.“

♦ if you have a hard time deciding what you want, you need to Re-Connect with your real-self first - meaning with your natural strengths, most important values and needs and your natural energy flow

2. Trace and face your trauma 

release unexpressed energy, change false input(s) and collect the gift of your trauma – we suggest that you get someone to help you with that, because your own brain will most likely obstruct that process of change - it will try to defend "the old ways" because it might think that "the new way" is not safe for you

♦ if you would like to start your post-traumatic growth on your own, check out Sneza's book "Rebirth"

If you need more assistance, feel free to Contact us


If you think that you only need to calm down and get in better touch with your own Mind - check out our course on Udemy - "New approach to Mindfulness"

 

SCM New Recovery Approach

based on psychodynamic approach, latest neurology, different energy healing modalities and Sneza's empathic and intuitive abilities,  offers simple and effective solutions to some of the most challenging life situations.